If Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters were editors

Since October I’ve been fully booked up with work, and have been working more hours than usual. In fact, I ended up working over Christmas and New Year, which is something I rarely do (and I won’t be doing again in a hurry).

So enough of being serious … I’ve been binge-watching Buffy with my family to relax and unwind after a long day’s hard editing. And as I sit here on my new snuggle chair (hurrah, good riddance to my old, manky brown suite) I’ve written up a bit of a silly article for the new year.

If you know Buffy you might relate; if you have never watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, well,  shame on you … go and watch it now. Stop what you are doing, seek it out and come back here when you have ‘the knowledge’.

Ladies and gentleman – I give you … what happened to the characters of Buffy when they decided that saving the world from vampires was a bit too much, and set up their own editing firm instead.

The Master had been defeated (again) and the world was saved from destruction. But those pesky vampires and demons just wouldn’t quit. So the Scooby gang quit instead, and while Angel swanned off to LA (again), the gang set up shop in the old school library, hung up their sign and formed themselves into a company of editors – Esoteric Editorial (not to be confused with any non-Buffy universe companies of the same name).

Here’s how they got on …

Buffy – She went in for the kill, hit the manuscript hard and took no prisoners. Forget empathy, this lady would tell it like it is and go straight with a stake to the heart of the writer.

Giles – A thoughtful editor, he would use all the books in his arsenal to make the documents as perfect as possible (although he might not exactly go with the times and remain a tad archaic). His subject specialism was demonology and English weaponry of the C15th­–C21st.

Xander – A bit slapdash with his editing, he’d start and get a little bit distracted. But he made great coffee.

Willow – Meticulous in her work, Willow would spend all day looking through the manuscript, then all night worrying that she’d make a mistake.

Cordelia – Not really bothered about the writing, she was more interested in making the document look good. Cordy was the perfect designer: forget the words, it’s all good just as long as they look pretty.

Angel – All angst and looking off into the middle distance, obviously he did the night shift and got those last minute jobs done … from his office in LA, away from the temptations of the library.

Oz – Would spend all of his time being very laid back and cool, then, a few days a month, would accidentally eat the manuscript and have to explain to his client that the dog ate his homework.

Faith – She’d skim it over, toss the document back and say it’s fine.

Kendra – She’d just sit in a corner with Mr Pointy, avoiding the men.

Spike – Would tear the manuscript up and tell the writer that they were an arse. Or just pour a drink on it and set it on fire.

Drusilla – Would look at the work, find something wrong then get upset and go play with her dolls instead.

Anya – It was all about the money with Anya … get the work done quickly and get the money (how else can you buy pretty things?). She was also the firm’s accountant and made sure the women received the same pay as the men.

Jenny Calendar – Well, she would do it all with computers and tried her hardest to figure out just why computers can’t do everything.

Jonathan – He tried to design a robot to do all the work for him. He’s probably still in the basement

Dawn – Eventually she would pretend that she was just a figment of the writer’s imagination and refuse to do the work.

Joyce – Would deny that anything was wrong.

Principle Snyder – Would occasionally barge into the office, point out all the errors, recite all the rules of grammar and writing and would make sure you knew exactly where you went wrong and how to fix it. Now.

Riley – Who cares. Really? Does anyone even remember him?

So there you go … the Scooby Gang as editorial types.

Who says articles have to be serious?

With thanks to team Donaldson for some of the ideas. I’d write more but I’ve got more Buffy to watch.